[Ministry Employee Talking/Intro]

Welcome to the Department of Mysteries
You are assigned to study, gender and sexuality.
A note here: there's complexity that we wish you to seek.
And a warning: do not speak about your findings.

[Aguamenti laughing]

[Verse 1]

Yeah right, Aguamenti here to spill potions
Causing commotion, whistleblower in motion
Yeah I got emotions, here to cause explosions
Got a bunch mysteries to explain & open
Like the great chamber of secrets
Curious about what the sequence
Is to get in to find Slytherins serpent
It’s urgent, really need info that’s current
Excuse me, nevermind you study that curtain
I’m not here for death, I’m here to be fresh
Show off my shaved head & sit at my desk
Get the quill out, its time to write about
How wizards & witches are fluid no doubt
Mirrors looking back at wixes very proud
For standing tall, being out is no small feat
Gender being limitless is to feel complete
The splendor of queer love is oh so sweet
There’s Merlin, who never conformed
To what was expected, he struck a chord
Or the story of Grindelwald & Dumbledore
Though it’s fucked up, it can’t be ignored
It’s unspeakable, conceivable to hide
It’s unspeakable, unreasonable to lie
It’s unspeakable, believable & realized

[Ministry Employee Talking]

Wh-what are you doing?
Are you, are you performing in here?
This this isn’t what you were hired for!
Get down from there! right now!
Don’t make me curse you, I mean it!
Merlin’s pants! I’m being serious!
Get down!
Get down now!
Now!

[Verse 2]

Expelliarmus! there’s no way to stop this,
I got your wand now, this snake is swift
Got veritaserum dripping on my lips
Can’t hide truth, like a sphynx in the mist
This department is a maze, doors leading away
To strange rooms, full of fumes makes me sway
In a haze it feels funny, what the fuck is that brain
Time to run, gotta feel the groove to change
The prophecy is that Hooch flies with speed
Celebrates her pride everyday of the week
Viktor is trans lookin for a snitch to seek
Draco is enby, with fits so sleek
Levels of the gay in the world increase
It’s unspeakable, conceivable to hide
It’s unspeakable, unreasonable to lie
It’s unspeakable, believable & realized

[Ministry Employee Talking]

(breathing heavy)
Finally!
I’ve caught up to you
You’re fired, get the fuck out
You’re fired!
Get the fuck out!

[Aguamenti laughing then speaks]

Aguamenti out!